Rants, Rages,
and other out-and-out Gripes
By AriaProII
Okay,
here's where I let loose and make all the lily-bunned pink-palm hoidy-toidy
holier-than-thou shady used-car-salesman hype-slinging name-dropping sucker-seekers
mad. Payback time! If you take offense to what I say here, chances are
you are one of the people I'm mad at. What the heck did you click "OK"
for in the first place?
The
"Grrrr!" Factor Rating Scale
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Mildy annoying. |
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Worth at least a dirty
look. |
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Defininitely warrants
a snide comment. |
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Someone should piddle
in their Wheaties. |
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They are probably a Nazi
or Malpractice Lawyer. |
The
Rants
.
What's with this Ibanez fixation?
This one
really gets my drawers in bunch! I don't know how many times I have seen
some loose-jawed hype-slinger claim a guitar was made by "Ibanez" when
I (as well as others with the foresight and initiative to do their homwork)
know darn well was made by Matsumoku or another manufacturer. Too many
of the sellers that fling the Ibanez name while selling a guitar with another
name on the headstock are simply pumping potential bidders. Another group
doing this would then have to fall into the cateogory of "lazy",
or "naive" as they have obviously not done their homework for themselves.
Just because someone at a music store said it was made by Ibanez doesn't
make it so. There are legitimate re-brands made by Hoshino or Fuji-Gen
Gakki who Hoshino contracted and it's perfectly honest to make these claims
then (but how often is this in comparison to how often the name is flung
about?). Wake up guys! You know who you are, and I'm talkin' directly at
you!
.
Electra,
Aria, Aria Pro II, Westone, Vantage, and Skylark, among others WERE NOT
MADE BY HOSHINO!
.I
don't necessarily have anything against the Japanese Ibanez guitars. I
have had a Musician, Studio, and Artist, and liked them all. I have played
one of the "Agent" LP style guitars, and if I had the money, it would have
gone home with me and become part of my little guitar family no doubt about
it! It was a true quality piece of craftsmanship of the same calibre as
the Uncle Matt guitars I own. What annoys the stuffing out of me is this
name-flinging either out of laziness or money-grubbing greed. If you don't
know for sure, don't say! If you do know better, and yet say anyway, I've
got your Ibanerd right here! If I've hit a nerve and made someone mad,
GOOD! Hopefully it was the nerve that once was connected to their conscience
and is now connected to thier wallet (which incidentally is probably closer
to their center of intelligence). Back to Top
.
I give
this one Three Devils easy.
. Here
a suit, there a suit, everywhere a Lawsuit!
Here is
is one of my all-time faves! It's obvious many of the sellers touting the
word "lawsuit" cannot read and someone else not attending special school
district had to type out their auction. There at least two books
that make reference to the "lawsuit" that I can confirm and prove, and
neither make mention of ANY of the following: "The guitars were exactly
the same..." or "The copies were soooo gooood..." or "Gibson sued all the
Japanese guitar makers....". Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod
if you can hear me. As I have stated elsewhere on the site, the "Lawsuit"
never went to court, it was over the headstock shape and not body-style/dimensions,
and it was only Hoshino that Norlin went after. Let's see if Mr. Rogers
can help...
.
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Lawsuit
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NOT
Lawsuit
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Lawsuit
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NOT
Lawsuit
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Lawsuit
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NOT
Lawsuit
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.
Well,
is the record straight in the Magic Kingdom? Those of you that believed
the mallarky before are now privy to the truth. It all boils down to a
headstock shape, nothing more. Now, if someone really believes that the
headstock shape improves playabitly or sounds better, I guess there's not
much I can do to help. They can go ahead and throw away their money! Hey!
I have some lawsuit guitar strings I'll sell cheap!  Back
to Top
I give
this one Four well earned Devils.
. Who
spit on who first?
This is
a fun one! I'm sure most eBayers have noticed the silly feedback spitting
contests that take place. What's the problem here? I realize sometimes
things are not always "black and white", but gimme a break! If there was
as much "grey" matter between the ears of the combatants is there is suggested
"grey area" here we'd all be inhabiting distant planets and money would
not exist! Let's be realistic here. Someone is full of doggie dumplings
on one side or the other! It reminds me of a couple of two-year-olds screaming:
"You
spit first!","No, you spit first!","Uh-uh,
you spit first!","Uh-uh, your momma!","Uh-uh,
Your mamma!"
.
To those
people playing this childish game I have something to say: Grow UP! If
you laid a line or you suffer from the diseases I'll mention below, FESS
UP and take your lumps. No intelligent person likes to be lied to. I see
a lot of shady stuff going on, and a ton of hype at times. If you are generating
this garbage, expect winners to throw a fit! All they have to go on is
what you tell them and the pics, and if it's doctored, flavored, or slanted,
YOU ASKED FOR IT, sucker or not.
.
If you
bought something on assumpition, you be a sucker. Quit your crying and
learn your lesson. If you won something and you think you're going to extort
for a lower price, or worse yet say you have sent payment but have not,
It'll come back around! Someone will nail you in an ouchie place and only
your mommy will listen to your crying. Both of you groups need to realize
one thing. eBay auctions are considered legal and binding contracts in
many states, and breaches can be litigated. I am ready for something like
this, and have a legal firm monitor all my auctions and auction communications
for this very reason. I have no problem spending 10 times the auction amount
in litigation because I am pretty sure I will win and get it back, with
interest.
.
All
the little "kids" playing this "retaliatory feedback" game need to get
up from the computer, go outside, and play with their Barbies or ride their
tri-cycles and leave the serious trading to sentient beings. eBay should
really re-evaluate their postion on feedback as well, since this problem
has definitely gotten out of hand and their "hardline" feedback is permanent
garbage only fuels the fire. Get with it eBay! IT NEEDS TO BE FIXED! Earn
the money you glean from your listers! Back to Top
I give
this two little Devils, one for each side.
. is
not just a food.
Most everyone
has heard of SPAM. No? I'm not talking about that nasty lunchmeat that's
not palatable until you burn it properly, but all that un-warranted, unsolicited,
and often unsavory e-mail that floods innocent victim's mailboxes daily.
Or, are they really innocent? If you are using Outlook in any form, and
in particular with IE 5.5 or below without the service packs, you're asking
for it! Now, we can rule out people that know enough to use a personal
firewall, but why people at this skill level use Outlook at all doesn't
really make sense anyway.
.
If you
use Outlook and are not behind a firewall of any sort, or are not using
good anti-virus, please delete me from your address book and any mail I
have sent to you! If I had to explain, you wouldn't understand .
If someone is using Netscape and have their real e-mail address in their
preferences with no firewall are asking for it as well. Now, there are
also those people (millions of 'em!) that follow their more basal instincts
and enjoy viewing images and video clips of rather simplistic, animalistic,
immoral, or twisted physical contact, you deserve every bit of SPAM you
get (please, try to evolve into more intelligent life forms such as an
amoeba or paramecium, but please, above all , do not procreate).
.
Actually,
the kind of SPAM that I cannot battle, filter, or block at all annoys the
Shinola out of me a hundred times as much as the e-mail type. What could
that be? Keyword spamming! You've seen it's effects if you do any kind
of specific searching on eBay. Items that have NOTHING to do with what
you are searching for show up in your search. Why? Because the seller has
injected a bunch of words that often have little to do with the item simply
so your search criteria will see it. It is a sneaky way to increase exposure.
.
eBay does
however look for this, but creative keyword spammers find ways around it.
Originally keywords were a good idea, providing they pertained to the item
being auctioned, but, like everything else in America, the greedy have
twisted it into something unpleasant. Two of my favorite creative workarounds
go something like:
.
"Up for
auction is a Kamakazi electric giutar. One owner, in very good condition.
I don't know but may have been made by Gibson, Fender, ESP, Ernie Ball,
Jackson, Charvel, Aria, Ibanez, Guild, Gretsch, Hohner, blahblahblah and
on and on..." (you get the idea).
Or:
"Early
'80s lawsuit Greco LP copy. Perfect frets, great tone, low action, and
great finish. Look at the flamey flamier flamiest top on this beauty. Kills
the current crop of Gibson, Fender, ESP, Ernie Ball, Jackson, Charvel,
Aria, Ibanez, Guild, Gretsch, Hohner, blahblahblah and on and on..."
(again, you get the idea).
.
There
are many other variations. Some try to hide them in the background, others
spin entertaining yarns using keywords that really have no bearing on the
item being sold. This is also a symptom of the diseases covered below.
All I know is it annoys me since I wasn't searching for the junk they're
pawning off in the first place. Back to Top
.
I give
this three Devils for the inconvenience factor.
. The
epidemic: Loose-jaw, silver-tounge, acute moronitis, and smoke suppositories.
You've
seen it! It's basically all the same disease, just different phases, but
it all leads to the irreversible inability to get to the point. If cars
could be converted to run on hot air, these people could talk into their
gas tanks and never see the handle of a gas pump again. The nation's energy
crisis would be solved!
Frankly
it makes me wanna 
.
These
are the people that could write a 10 page thesis on the texture of the
baked potato. I have seen descriptions that ran on for days, mostly just
idle ramblings in order to anchor "hype" terms and outrageous prices. I'm
not stupid, so don't tell me an Aria is better than a vintage Gibson. At
one time in history Gibson built some of the finest production instruments
in the world.
.
I
don't want to hear all about 15 famous artists that played similar guitars,
I don't care. I am not bidding on their guitars, them, or their music.
Just the freakin' guitar you are selling. These guys remind me of the Coney
Island Freakshow Row or Circus Sideshow "barkers" that bombard their un-suspecting
victims with their silver-tongued oral diarrhea! What blows me away is
there's always some dim-wit that falls for it. I really believe some of
these sellers are actually out-of-work info-mercial hosts.
.
Another
thing that really chafes my 
is this "prototype" and "one-off" or "one-of-a-kind" toilet fodder. Show
me a verifiable COA (Certificate Of Authenticity) and THEN I'll show my
money! Until then it's nothing more than personal claims or hype. I don't
care if Zeus himself told you so. I was not there, and I did not hear him.
Just because someone told you so-and-so heard what's-his-face said it was
a prototype or custom order don't mean jack squat to me. More often than
not, what is being offered is not the above, but an incarnation of an existing
model. Next time you look at a slick, catalog, or other new guitar propaganda,
I'll bet if you look closely you'll find in tiny print somewhere "Specifications
subject to change without notification". They're not joking folks! They
do it! Often, too! Also, much of the time "prototypes" that come out of
large producer's factories are of very low quality, "proof of concept"
or die/machining tests, and other than their novelty, are worth less
than the full production version. Consider them BETA versions. There's
a good chance they were probably pulled out of a dumpster or trash can
by an employee and resurrected. Do you remember all those "cut-up" Les
Pauls that kept surfacing not too long ago?
.
The
message I have for these folks is: Save your loose-jaw banter, silver-tongue
bombardment, spare me the symptoms of your acute moronitis, and keep your
smoke suppositories for your own "tender spot". Back
to Top
I give
this five Devils for insulting my intelligence, wasting my time, and most
of all, suckering the unsuspecting.
. Does
the guitar come with the girl I'm bidding on?
Worth
at least a mention are the listings that include pics of scantily clad
beach bimbos in order to raise interest, among other things, in the
guitar being listed. C'mon, man, what's with this waste of bandwidth? I've
got better things to do wih my time than downloading pics of bulbous bare-behinded
bimbos. Personally, I think the giutar pics should have been bigger, or
better yet, skip the gal altogether. I much prefer the guitar. It's not
really such a biggie though, as the guitars usually sold in this fashion
are of little interest to me. I'm a "player", not a "playah". Besides this,
I've got a darn good Wife that loves me regardless (tough job too) and
that's worth any 100 bulbous bimbos! If I had to explain, you wouldn't
understand.Back
to Top
I give
this one little Devil simply because gravity does not affect my center
of intelligence.
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